EMBRACE THE TENSION WITH GOD
What if who we feel attracted to isn't our permanent or actual identity? What if we're not even sexual at the core…what if there's something deeper? Is change possible? Is it wrong to want to change? Should we just accept the lens we’ve been looking through?? What if, in the messy process of growing up, things got tangled up and there's no simple solution for us to live healthy and free? What do we do?
The way I see it, we have been presented with two options, that honestly seem to make a lot of sense:
Live what we feel. Change the truth to fit our feelings (it's not a big deal); or
Live the truth. Stuff our feelings and experiences - forget about them (they're not important anyways)!
I've tried both and honestly, they both felt seriously incomplete. Don't get me wrong, people would truly celebrate me in either choice, but there would always be a nagging feeling because I would not fully be walking in who I really am.
There's a third option I've been choosing lately. It's very difficult which is why it seems like no one is doing it. And it's scary, because it feels like if we let go, stop stuffing our feelings, and learn to accept ourselves how we are right now or open ourselves up to believing that change from what's always felt normal is possible, we might end up somewhere we don't want to be.
But I'm finding as I trust that Jesus will guide me to perfect truth, it's not as scary...and it's actually the way we were meant to live. It is SO difficult, but I actually feel peace as I step towards HIM, knowing He will lead me.
Embrace the tension with God. What if we let ourselves feel fully with God, best as we know how? Be honest about what's going on with God. What if we assessed the current way we see ourselves and the world around us - DEEPLY, honestly, and authentically, with God? This is what it looks like when we walk the tightrope of what we feel and what He says is true about us, others, and Himself, and we change what needs changed with God.
Our feelings are valuable and important, and the truth is still true.
We were always meant to walk the tightrope.
Embrace the tension with God.